


I Call Him Fred

by TourmalineQueen



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Cullen POV, Cullen being adorkable, Dragon Age Prompt Fest, F/M, Fluff, Gen, Phobias, h/c
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-05
Updated: 2015-05-05
Packaged: 2018-03-29 04:10:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3881746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TourmalineQueen/pseuds/TourmalineQueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Alfredo is just a ridiculous name for a spider. So I call him Fred."</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Call Him Fred

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Tov01](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tov01/gifts).



Cullen pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed, feeling the beginnings of a headache coming on. This War Council meeting felt as though it had begun during the Exalted Marches, and didn't look likely to end anytime soon. Leliana and Lavellan were arguing with Josephine about... something, his mind had lost track of what when the ice-pick started to attack behind his eye. All he knew was that he had as much to add to the conversation as the spider floating on its thread overhead.

The spider then decided that entertaining an irritable ex-Templar was not enough, and dropped on its invisible silk right in front of the Inquisitor - Ellana, she had asked him to think of her as - whose eyes went wide and whose breath suddenly caught, noisily in her throat.

"Inquisitor?"

"What is the matter, Your Worship?"

Leliana and Josephine ceased squabbling as Ellana began silently backing away from the war table, eyes focused on the eight-legged interloper who seemed to be dancing in the air above the table.

"S- _spider_ ," Ellana hissed, in a tone of voice Cullen had not ever before heard from her: pure, unadulterated terror. She stopped backing only when her back met the wall, at whih point she started shaking. Not delicately trembling, or shivering, but honest-to-ANdraste _shaking_ from fear. Cullen snapped out of his reverie and strode around the table to stand before her, blocking her view of the spider.

"Ellana," he said, then hesitated, not quite sure how to proceed. "It's not going to hurt you."

"It _will_ ," she replied, her voice barely louder than a breath, "something terrible will happen."

Cullen made a snap decision. "I'll handle it."

Ellana tried to grab his arm as he turned to the table, but, for once, he was quicker than she. It may have had something to do with her aversion to going anywhere near the little arachnid. Cullen imitated the spider's shape with his fingers, and caught it up gently: he couldn't feel its legs fluttering and struggling against his gauntlet, although he could see it. He moved around the table and tossed the spider from the window; distantly he heard a girlish shriek and jeering laughter from some of the guards patrolling below.

"There. It's gone." Cullen dusted off his hands and turned to see Ellana sliding down the wall, breathing uneven and loud - Cullen recognised panic when he saw it. Josephine fluttered a handkerchief in Ellana's face and Leliana watched dispassionately, no doubt wondering how badly this would affect the Inquisition's grand plan. Cullen crossed the room again, and knelt in front of Ellana. He could see tears in her eyes. Without a word to the others, he lifted her into his arms and carried her from the room. He began to stride in the direction of his tower, then changed his mind. When they reached Ellana's quarters, Cullen carefully set her down on the bed and began to check the corners of the room, under the window-ledges, and underneath the bed.

"Safe and spider-free," he announced.

He was amazed to see her tension leave, less surprised to see her sniffling into Josephine's handkerchief. He took off his gauntlets and sat on the bed beside her, still cautious of taking too many liberties despite her repeated encouragements. She tucked the hankie into a pocket and wrapped both of her hands around one of his; he could still feel a fine tremor running through her - the adrenaline lingering in her blood.

"You're afraid of Fred," he said.

"Fred?" Ellana asked, brow furrowed.

"Um, ah, I meant spiders... Spiders generally, and that one in particular," he said, trying not to blush.

"Fred?" Ellana asked again.

"Um. Well, Lady Montilyet named him Alfredo, but... Alfredo is just a ridiculous name for a spider, so I shortened it. To, um, Fred," Cullen explained, wishing he didn't feel as silly as he sounded. 

Ellana gave a wan smile and a half-hearted chuckle. "I - I made a fool of myself in there. I never freeze like that when the big ones attack, only the small ones."

"May I ask why?"

Ellana shrugged, her smile turning queasy. "One of my clan-mates liked to put spiders in my boots, in my bedroll, in my food, because it made me squeal. One of them killed my tame fennec when I was nine summers. Another time a friend got bitten by a spider while we were on a hunt - she didn't survive the venom. A-and..." Ellana trailed off.

"And?" Cullen prompted.

"I don't like things that can sneak up on me like they do. They apear from nowhere. They can sneak better than I can. I don't like surprises," she finished, avoiding his eyes.

They remained sitting together without speaking for a long time.

"I'm not afraid of spiders," Cullen said eventually. "I am afraid of plenty of things, but spiders are not one of them. After living in the Gallows for ten years, spiders were the least of my worries. And," he cleared his throat, "sometimes they were the best company. But... Had I known about your fear, I would not have encouraged Lady Montilyet to name him. I would have had him removed before he became a problem. And if _anyone_ tries to make you feel bad about your fear, send them to me. I'll put the fear of the Maker into them," he said with a wry smile.

Ellana nodded, and finally at ease, leaned against his arm. Something occurred to her.

"Cullen," she asked, "why did you not take me to your tower? You began in that direction and then did an about-face."

"You noticed that, did you?"

Ellana nodded against his biceps.

"I, ah, well... I doubt after meeting Fred that you'd care to meet Esmerelda."

**Author's Note:**

> Because _of course_ Cullen names spiders and talks to them, and picks them up rather than squishes them.


End file.
